Who cares about toe joints?
by OriksGaming
Summary: There's one consolation for those born quirkless – a big one.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I regret nothing!

* * *

"Yes, just as I thought." The doctor turned away from the x-ray to gaze intently at the mother and son in front of him. "Do you know what this x-ray tells us?"

"That you're a pervert?" Inko Midoriya glared at the doctor, both hands covering her four year old son's eyes.

"No," the doctor said calmly. Then he frowned. "Well, perhaps, but that wasn't the point I was trying to make. No, what I was trying to say was that your son is quirkless."

"And you needed that"—she inclined her head towards the x-ray, her hands still covering the eyes of her now shaking son—"image to tell me that?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," the doctor said, adjusting his glasses. "While your son might be quirkless, this image is the proof that there is some consolation. After all, this is a picture of your son's penis."

Inko gaped at the image, shocked out of her anger. "My little Izuku's . . . but it can't . . . that has to be at least . . ."

The doctor nodded. "Yes, it's very impressive, and will only become more so over the years! You see, studies have shown that there is a direct negative correlation between quirk strength and size of genitalia in males."

* * *

"Young man, you too can become a hero," his idol told him.

Izuku sobbed even harder. Unlike nearly every other time he'd cried—which happened almost every day for him, if he was being honest—these were tears of happiness. Those words were ones that he'd needed to hear for an entire decade, for almost his entire life. He was so focused on them that he almost didn't catch what All Might said next.

"I was quirkless once too," All Might said, still gaunt and emaciated, but strangely cheery. "And there's one big advantage to this kind of situation!"

"What-what advantage?" Izuku asked.

The man grinned at him, transforming briefly into his hero form. "Yes! As an inheritor of One For All who was formerly quirkless, you can now have the best of both worlds –– a strong quirk and a big–"

"Please stop," Izuku groaned.

* * *

Aizawa had stepped out of the room to do something and the classroom was almost peaceful for once.

"Deku, why did Bakugo call you quirkless earlier?" Uraraka asked quietly, from the desk behind him. "It seems like kind of a weird insult, considering we've all seen you use your quirk. You don't have to say if you don't want to; I'm just curious."

"No, it's fine," Izuku said, taking a deep breath. He'd known that this would come up sooner or later. "The thing is, I actually thought I was quirkless until about a year ago."

Tsuyu leaned over. "Isn't it true that the stronger the quirk, the smaller the dick? If you thought you were quirkless, you must have had physical evidence backing that up." She'd spoken with considerably more volume than Uraraka had, and it now felt like the entire class was waiting for his answer.

"W-well, yes," Izuku admitted sheepishly. "That was the reason the doctor originally told me I was quirkless."

He looked around the room, surprised to find every single girl staring at him and looking . . . hungry? Then he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind.

"Huh?" Izuku blushed beet red when he realized it was Uraraka holding him. "What are you . . . ?"

He trailed off as he looked up to see her leaning out of her chair to reach him and glaring, not at him, but at the rest of the class. Maybe she was going to tell them to mind their own business, Izuku thought. It sure was nice having friends to help him out of awkward social situations.

Alas, it was not to be.

"I saw him first," she said firmly, tightening her grip.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I'll admit, I was actually pretty surprised when I got a few requests for a followup. Nevertheless, here it is.

* * *

"You've had it easy all your life, haven't you?" From across the battlefield, Shinsou glared at Izuku. "With a powerful quirk like yours, I bet people were falling over themselves to help you out!"

Izuku gritted his teeth. He just needed to close the distance and punch the guy without opening his mouth. Easy, right?

Shinsou continued. "Everything in your life has been handed to you on a silver platter; you've probably never wanted for anything in your life. What makes you so deserving while the rest of us are treated like trash?!"

'I was quirkless!' Izuku wanted to yell. 'My life was never like that!'

"But there's one area where those of us who haven't been gifted with a powerful, heroic quirk are truly blessed," Shinsou continued. "You know, studies have shown that the bigger your quirk, the smaller your penis is. With a quirk like yours, I wonder if yours is even big enough to be visible. I must have you beat in that area by a landslide!"

"That's not true," Izuku found himself saying before he could stop himself.

He hadn't really been angry when answering; he'd just been confused as to Shinsou's train of thought, and then he'd impulsively answered Shinsou's taunt. His driving emotion didn't matter though; he'd spoken and his limbs locked up just the same.

"Is that so?" Shinsou said. "We'll have to see about that, won't we?"

What did he mean by that? What was he planning? Izuku had no answer to these two questions.

"Drop your pants!" Shinsou yelled. "Let the world see the truth!"

Wait, what?

* * *

"I can never show my face again!" Izuku cried, hiding his face in his hands.

"There, there," Iida said almost robotically. Izuku appreciated the thought, but his method of comforting wasn't really helping. He supposed Iida must still be traumatized; he held the rules as sacred, after all, and something so . . . so out of line with his expectations must have shocked him.

"It's not that bad, Deku," Uraraka chirped. Her cheeks were even redder than usual, and the luminous blush showed no sign of dying down. "I checked the footage, and it looks like they had the forethought to blur it out on the TV!"

"Everyone in the stadium saw!" Izuku wailed. "And even people who just saw it on TV got a general idea! My mom was watching!"

"I must admit, it wasn't exactly what anyone was expecting," Iida said slowly. He said nothing more, and Izuku wondered if he'd meant that to sound comforting.

"Look at it this way," Uraraka said cheerfully. "You won the tournament!"

"I only won because Todoroki basically just let me get to the final round for free," Izuku groaned.

"His face was so red I forgot which side was hot and which was cold!" Uraraka pointed out. Izuku wished she'd stop being so cheerful.

"Don't remind me," he said, voice deader than Aizawa's before it regained some of its usual nervous energy. "I–I don't even like boys. What do I do?!"

"Don't worry, Deku," Uraraka cooed. "I won't let the big, nasty iceberg get to you!"

"I wanted him to use his fire," Izuku mumbled, "but he just went sort of slack jawed when I said 'come at me with all your power!' He was so out of it that I didn't even have to use my quirk!"

"You must watch your word choice in the future," Iida lectured. "Words can be easily misconstrued, depending on the situation, and it would do you well to avoid such instances."

There was a crinkling sound and Izuku looked down to see a piece of paper next to the closed and locked door of the bathroom he'd chosen to hide in. If he was being honest, he'd been trying to get away from Uraraka until she stopped acting weird, but she'd just followed him and Iida into the boys' restroom!

"I'll get it," she said, crouching to pick up the piece of paper. She smoothed it out with her hands and began to look it over. Izuku watched with trepidation, Uraraka's muttered "oh my" doing nothing to reassure him.

"W-what does it say?" he asked hesitantly.

"It's a petition," Uraraka said absentmindedly. "Signed by every girl in our class and a few others from 1-B. You know how we were all competing to see who would get you?"

"Yes," Izuku said resignedly. It had been a bit difficult not to notice, honestly. Some of them hadn't been subtle at all.

"Well, apparently they're willing to share now."

Wait, what?


End file.
